I couldn’t resist posting this.
For the believers that this will actually occur I am deeply saddened by your inevitable loss.
If you do believe that December 21st is going to go ahead, may I suggest the following.
- Stop buying Christmas Gifts.
- Don’t bother sending those last minute Christmas Cards.
- Don’t bother doing all those odd jobs NOW around the house you have been meaning to do, mending the gate, attaching the water hose connection properly, fixing the blinds in the lounge room, tidying your pantry cupboards, sewing a button on your husbands blue work shirt, painting the outside of the house, cleaning the fish tank, buying new shoe-laces for your runners, putting the dry-cleaning in, putting all those photos in the box into picture frames, buying that new phone, planning your holiday, having your regular eye-test, having your regular Pap test, washing the car, fixing the puncture on the bike tyre, having a mammogram, having a colonoscopy (phew), writing your eulogy or learning another language, because no one will be around to here either.
- Don’t bother mowing the lawns as know one will see it.
- Don’t bother switching of all electrical appliances as it won’t make a difference.
- Don’t bother asking your neighbour to collect your mail.
- Don’t bother finding a kennel or cattery to have your pets minded.
- Don’t bother inviting friends over for dinner on the 21st as it will all end in disaster.
- Don’t bother trying to lose weight before Christmas.
- Don’t bother giving up smoking.
- Don’t bother giving up drinking.
- Don’t bother trying to be nice to your neighbours.
JUST DON’T BOTHER
and if you are a non believer…
- Yes you still have to do all the above mentioned chores (sorry but you do).
- Yes you still will have the bills coming in that need paying.
- Yes you will still have to make the commute to work and furthermore, work when you get there.
- Yes you will still have to make the kids lunches and they will still not eat them.
- Yes you will still have to give advice to your offspring who won’t heed your wisdom.
- Yes you will get to the 21st and wonder ok ..when the hell is this happening? Anyone given a time frame? Have I still got time to do stuff?
- Yes you still have to do last minute frenzied shop with the hoards of stressed out, last minute shoppers and finding a car park.
- Yes you still have to smile and be sweet to all the rellies on Christmas Day.
- Yes you still will have loads of washing up and tidying up after the event.
- Yes you will possibly have a hangover.
- Yes you will think “What a load of Cods”.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
IT’S 4 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS WHOOT WHOOT PARTAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!