Havin a Chat – Part 4 ~ The hands and arms drama

Lets just get straight into it, no faffing around.

Finger nails, thankfully no ffffff, infections on mine. My toe could learn a thing or too.

My nails are in quite good nick still (there is a God!) they grow quite quickly, possibly too quickly, though they aren’t as white as they once were.

I don’t have manicures ¬†(or pedicures) I don’t know why, probably no pedicures, as I’m embarrassed to show my feet/toe.

Manicures? I have no excuses. I had one as I was going out somewhere very special one evening and I had a voucher given to me so I had a French manicure. I paint my own nails, I’m not a woman who goes to get gell, shellac or whatever else they do in those salons with the lady’s covered in a face mask.

The amount of little germs that must swarm around those places, sorry if anyone goes to them, anyway I digress (as I do). My fingers are reasonably long too. I know I should have been a concert pianist. I have one one small bump on one finger, ahh arthritis, yes that’s another thing you cop as you age. It can be extremely painful and I can feel when it starts to come on and can’t move my finger till it passes ūüė© I should be taken aspirin everyday, but again..shoulda woulda theory.

I haven’t been a ‘must wear rubber glove’ kinda gal either, hot soapy water or using steel wool, painting, you name it bare hands, so perhaps that’s why I have non retractable skin on the back of them?

Arms needing more moisturiser, note to self. I’m hopeless in the moisturising department, but this summer I plan to be good

Elbows, what can I say they are the knees of the arms, the skin starting to fold over.

Upper arms…I’ll put an OMG here! As. I have as others may say “You’re arms are fine’ I don’t believe them!

I will only wear a singlet top of out walking, as no one will get too close. The front part of my arms I guess are still holding up, but when I have my arms at a certain angle…well I have mentioned corrigated iron before, so I’ll mention it again. Mainly when I bend my elbow a certain way, I can’t even bare to look at it.

I’VE GOT MY MUM ARMS!!!! ARGGHHHHH!!

Okay I feel slightly better now.

Next Chapter neck and face, I thank you for reading.

Feet

feet bare wrinkly aged now
once were stretched from being young
now not so attractive plaster polish
regain youth from years past

pummel buff soak clipped nails
rest put up massage
keeping up appearances
or perhaps need camouflage

Credit 123rf

Credit 123rf

This is for the men – just to show you I care

You poor blokes men, ¬†aren’t you envious? Don’t you wish you could have at your finger-tips the vast magnitude of products that are pushed, brain washed¬†offered to us women?

Don’t you all want that perfect glowing, unwrinkled, unmarked, unblemished skin like the stunners in the glossy magazines?

Or have the photos of these beautiful women just been photo-shopped to death? (the photos not the women).

Come on surely there is a tinsy winsy tinge of jealousy that YOU can’t slather your face with a miracle cream that will make you ¬†achieve the ‘look’ that us females are so wanting to achieve? I’m not talking make-up fellas, I’m talking creams for your face that rejuvenate, lift, plump and give us that outer glow.

I mean look at the amount you can choose from!

Day moisturiser. Yes I use as my skin dehydrates now that I’m…older.

Night moisturiser. Occasionally I use – but couldn’t one just put a double layer of the day moisturiser on?

Vitamin C moisturiser. Particularly good if you want that orange glow.

Pro-Collagen Marine Cream. This is the plumping up one I was talking about, as far as the Marine? Is it made from Marine life? Are we meant to use it whilst swimming? Or if we wear it we will attract one?

Soothing Protective Cream. Oh yes sooth and protect me…erm from what?

Ultimate Youth Cream. Yes men guaranteed to make you look your youthful self again, so be prepared to also purchase  Clearasil.

Chemical Peels. Do you want your face to fall off bit by bit – then try this!

Retinol Cream. Ahh yes Vitamin A enhanced miracle cream of our time for that plump and radiant skin…

Herbal Cream. Ok let’s just go into the kitchen take out a packet of mixed herbs, throw some hot water onto it..let it ‘infuse’ – (you have to say that word slow and sultry like) anyhoo cool down herbal broth and pad on face..cheaper.

Cream for those with black skin. This is obvious coloured skin is different than caucasian skin.

Skin Caviar. Right then everyone who wants some pickled fish roe slapped on their dial hands up??

Avacado, strawberry (and other fruit) Cream. These are harmless, but you may as well just rub the actual fruit on your face.

Repair Balms. Repairing what Рwhat you have lived in for how many years and now like  a car needing a service your face needs repairing?

Hydrating masks. Probably applied 2 masks my entire life..made a difference – nup.

Skin rejuvenation Cream. Rejuvenate – rejuvenate – the world has gone completely rejuvenating mad!

Perfect protection Cream. From what the one who walks in the night, the taxman, the robber, the door to door phone salesman (I wish).

Laser aid. Darth Vader are you there?

Moisture defense for dry skin, aged skin, sensitive skin, oily skin, combination skin. Ok moisturise…any defense is better than none.

Even blend Serum. For those that don’t want uneven blends.

Hypnotherapy Eye Cream. Look into my eyes – oh you are.

Sublimage Cream. A (apparently) chiffon like cream with ‘unparalleled power and precision which targets different areas of the skin simultaneously’. You have to be kidding?? ¬†Unparalleled power? The unleashed power of atoms?¬†Pow- Wham- Bang – their is your simultaneous.

Glycolic Scrubs, cleansers. If you can pronounce it properly I guess it would work wonders.

Eye Replenishing Creams. So does that mean I can throw away my glasses?

Firming Cream. The muscle tone of healthy tissue. Therefore if you are not firmed you are not healthy.

Toning Cream. Yes it promises to tone Рgives strengths and firmness to the muscles. Nothing beats having a six pack on your face.

Dark spot Cream. Bleach? Grab a bottle of peroxide – same thing.

Anti Wrinkle Cream. Gods gift to women! Yes plaster it on your throat and face and watch those character lines  disappear!

Am I being a tad judgemental? Seriously men – you can do without all of this, be rugged, be swarthy. If you MUST use something, a little moisturiser never goes astray it will do what most of the above will do. When you shave your blade will glide easier. Your face will be shiny and smooth and have that outer glow.

My beauty routine is goats soap and moisturiser – yep you heard it right..non drying goats soap.

I have tried for the last 57 years, well ok I didn’t commence my beauty regime when I first popped out but I have used numerous products that say they will promise the world and give you only an empty pocket. None of these back in my mums day and at 83 her complexion (yes though a little wrinkled) is still beautiful….if you don’t believe me have a peek¬†https://ramblingsfromamum.wordpress.com/2012/10/26/this-is-the-lady-my-mum

So men beauty needn’t cost you a fortune and there is nothing wrong in being a ‘metro sexual’…just let common sense prevail.

Repeat after me…. “Arr”

For those of you that are in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s you may only have to say this as a remark when seeing something new, figuring out the Rubiks Cube , looking at something sweet or finally understanding something.

For those of you in your 50’s and beyond (as I am) you will find this word per se used with more common frequency than ever before.

Examples: Р Getting out of bed, trying to get up from the couch, sitting down on the couch, bending down to put your shoes on, reaching up for something on the top shelf or lifting something.

We get older we tend to ‘arr’ far more, I don’t know the reason, it just spills forth with every action we seem to do, unless you can catch yourself prior to ‘arr-ing’ it will just appear without any explanation as to why. So good luck trying to stop this natural progression you ‘youngens’ ūüôā ¬†