update on Pop

Six  days in Hospital & now back at Aged Care (ASL). Life became a complete blur, paperwork needing attending to forgotten. Appointments, schedules…all of it no longer important. Days turned to nights in the hospital. Similar to now. Pop has each day thought it was his last, so we are trying to be positive around him, as he’s very scared of closing his beautiful blue eyes and not opening them again. Our bond so close and even closer now.

Mum on the other hand, though not really knowing what is happening, has, through her vascular dementia changed dramatically. I am her competition, I am a dictator, I’m interfering, as I spend 10-14 hours with pop (and her) and she feels threatened.

He has blood in his urine, a blocked kidney, double vision. Some days better than others, some he smiles, chuckles, calls B and K ‘cheeky little blighters’. Other days or for the most part, his MSA makes him sleep, unable to open his eyes fully when awake, his arms shake, his voice barely audible.

He asked for all the family to come in, so he can then go in peace. 14 of us plus his 2 great grandchildren are taking food a ‘pre-Xmas lunch’ into the home tomorrow for lunch. He asked if I’d get everyone to bring Panadol in, so that he could take it after they leave. I said no & unless you take 100 of them, it won’t do what you want.

Mum and I simply don’t get along anymore, today we had 42deg C, she screamed every time I put their air con as, as her body thermometer isn’t working and she’s freezing as well as the ‘imaginary draft’. It’s draining, it’s frustrating as pop gets upset hearing her repeat the same thing over and over and over and her fighting with me. This is dementia, this horrid disease that has taken her from her family.

She hates me coming in every day, but I will continue to do so, it is my wish and also pops. I hold his hand during the day, when needing to sleep myself, he says please don’t go, so I stay till I know he’s asleep, returning the next day. Mum spitting venom at me for the majority of the day.

I had a service last Friday, I have one Christmas Eve, I told pop he can’t ‘go’ anywhere, as I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Signing the DNR as pops wish, the most painful thing I had to do.

We have him still, life does end, but it sucks and I hate it, the whole situation, especially with mum making it worse.

He knows I love him to the moon and back and when the universe wants him, I know above all else that I will have no regrets.

Thank you for your kind wishes and thinking of me and my family who you have never met, it means so very much.



A very tired me and my darling pop.


38 thoughts on “update on Pop

  1. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Please, hang in there and know that there is lots of people sending love and thinking both about you and your loved ones.

  2. I’m sorry about the difficulties Jen. But I am so impressed, and love, your dedication to your parents. I love this picture of you and your Pop. I send you my thoughts and well wishes.

    And dementia is a horrid wicked disease. I pray for a cure. A treatment.

  3. Dear Jen, this post really touches me. You’ve painted such a succinct, heartbreaking picture, with both words and photo, of what it’s like to lose a parent that you love and have cared for, and that you also know struggles with letting go. That would be difficult enough for anyone, so adding the challenge of another parent needing care…my heart goes out to you. You are a remarkable person, daughter, and I hope you can find a way to take care of you. Healing thoughts for all of you, Jen.

    • Mandy, I thank you for reading and for your words of kindness. This is a situation I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t know if I’m a remarkable daughter, as the love and I have for my father would be that of any child to their parent. He has cared for me, I know must and will care for him. Hugs & appreciate your healing thoughts at this time.

  4. There is only one of you, Jen and your care can only go so far. I think you’re doing great and both your parents should be very proud of you. You’re a sweetheart. I know it sounds like lip service, but I really do hope you have a nice, safe, relaxing Christmas xxxx

    • Darling thank you, we do this not to be thanked, we do this out of love. My tiredness, my hours spent with him are nothing compared to the years that he has given me. Thank you, I hope you and your family had a beautiful Christmas. xxx

  5. my heart goes out to all of you. it may sound like an odd comment, with how you are feeling and what is going on, but i think that is such a beautiful picture of you and your dad. the love is palpable. hugs from afar –

  6. Hang on in, Jen. This is a hellish time I know. Your last post and this brings it back so sharply. It will come good. I remember them now as the worst and best of times. If you need to speak I’m here.xxx

  7. Life is hard but death is hardet. I don’t know what to say. You are doing all you can to ease Pop’s passing. I am so sorry Mum has gone it must be so hard to daily take a barrage of venom. God give you the strength to cope. ❤

  8. My dear sweet Jen – I’m so very sorry for what you & your parents are going through. This precious picture though…hand in hand captures my heart. What lucky parents to have such a compassionate daughter. I miss you and wish you Love and Peace, my dear. Humongous Hugs ❤

  9. I am so sorry to see this. You are a great support to your parents. It’s hard but you may need to remember that “mom” isn’t Mom anymore. My brother has gone through what you are going through but with his wife. She has now passed the aggressive stage and she is very peaceful in her current life. My thoughts are with you.

    • Hello Nelson, thank you also for your kind words. I know it’s the disease, she really isn’t the mum I once had and that also breaks my heart. I’m sorry about your sister in law, Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease.

  10. Jen my darling, you’re with the mum and pop, it is where you’re meant to be. Mum doesn’t know it now and may see you as a threat but in being there for pop, you are there for her too. What a beautiful photo. Sending you love, hugging you and holding your hand.

  11. My Beautiful, Mumsy,

    I’ve come across to wish you and your family a Merry Christmas.
    To read this post makes me feel so sad for you. I’ll email you soon.
    Dementia is a terrible illness and hurts everyone involved. Thinking of you.

    Love Paula xxxx

  12. It may seem funny but I visited your last Chat time three times,Dec. 15 and Dec. 18, when I didn’t see a reply, I felt you had gone off the grid. I apologize for letting time go and not come back. Just letting you know that I did come back, then didnt. Hope your father is still hanging in there, Jen. Take care. ♡

  13. My only excuse was that I had a large group of people here all of the holidays. I am back and now reading to catch up. We went through something similar with my grandfather and I saw what it did to my mother, so I know a little of this, Jen. It’s so hard. I must keep reading. ❤

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