Under Water


I’m dressed
water, fat, muscle, bone
makes up the me
say nothing of the heart
that beats ‘neath fine skin
a blade between ribs
would empty me
spill the empathy
that holds so heavy
I’m losing strength
to carry this
I see it now a burden
yet this is who I am

Not a day passes
when I don’t ‘feel’
I hear the calls
watch arms above the waterline
I know they’re drowning
friends say they can swim
strip the water, fat, muscle, bone
I can’t, I don’t believe them
I dive in regardless of the blade

Copyright JMTacken 11.2.2015


K still struggles, trying to find work, dealing with her BPD.

Tests from her seizure on the 21st December are still Β being undertaken. The Neurologist said Epilepsy, but not conclusive until a further MRI and sleep deprived half day EEG are performed.

Pop is still in the Rehab Hospital, they are saying if he can stand out of the chair without assistance, or walk with his walker, with confidence , he may be able to go back home on the 19th, I can’t see this happening.

I visited him this afternoon and took him in the wheelchair to sit under the trees, as he hasn’t been out doors for 3 weeks.

Mr.S and I had a weekend away last weekend, but my mind is always elsewhere and it is draining me.

Thank you you for the emails and messages, I’m just tired and haven’t been able to concentrate on writing or reading your posts. I hope to soon. I hope you are all well, I have missed you.



33 thoughts on “Under Water

  1. the good thing about water is that it is mostly bouyant…and takes some of that weight off of us when we dive it…drowning takes a bit of effort….i am sorry life is crushing a bit…it can get so heavy…dont try to carry it all yourself…smiles.

  2. I have always said, BPD is tough, be tougher. It is a fight. You have to fight though. You have to want to win. It takes time to want to, when you want to, then you do. I know this is terribly confusing. *super big hugs*

      • I will answer your email soon. Yes it is a very hard fight. For all. But she is worth anything. You have a great connection to her. This is awesome. You are her rock. You are doing so great. Soon she will fight too. It takes time. Mumsy…. you are incredible!

  3. Thinking of you and all your family. Love to you all. I am sorry K is still struggling to find work. A job would give her self-esteem a boost. Poor Pops stuck in all that time. We understand the stress and strain you are under we will be here on your return. ❀ xxx

  4. That’s an amazing poem! I do believe you are one of the better poets on the internet I’ve encountered – your eye is so sharp and your voice so unique! On all matters life, I do hope things get better for you soon – take care my friend! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  5. Good to hear you are able to get away at least physically. Sometimes a change helps.
    You can’t be everywhere and be everything to everybody no matter how hard you try. DO look after Jen as well. ❀ ❀ ❀

  6. Your poem cuts to the quick, Jen. Raw and vulnerable. I wish there were easy answers for you and yours at this time. Something more we could do. Don’t go under. Your loved from many corners. Try to draw on some of that love if it helps at all. Hugs to you, my friend.xxx

  7. I am thinking about you once again, holding you close to my heart. Your escape was meant to take your mind off things, but family always is important and ‘always on our minds.’ Your life, plate and situations all seem very serious and would weigh me down, too. Hoping knowing we love and care about you, we would gladly let you stand on our shoulders to get out of the muck. xo

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