Internal arguments

Pfft

I’ve just had a fight with my daughter.

My daughter whom I cherish, my daughter whom I love like my other daughter

I would gladly give my life for either of my daughters.

She  is 25 year old and lives at home.

It escalated where unkind words were spoken from both of us.

I love her…but she is doing things that are disappointing me, making me angry.

She yelled, I yelled…it was highly confrontational… her boyfriend was here ..he overheard and stormed out of the house

She came out and yelled at me and then left the house

I’m in two minds…grow up my young daughter, please see where I am coming from …to

I don’t care if you say you are ‘different’ and by her reasoning  I should accept that.. I’m sorry I just can’t

Why should there be this conflict? I have given her a roof over her head, helped her out monetarily, supported and been there  since the moment I brought her into this world..

If she were in her own house, I wouldn’t know how she lived, alas I am here as she is, from day to day I see and hear and I’m sorry if I can’t accept…

I love her with every breath I take as I do my other daughter…but she has a different way of wanting to live and forgive me but shouldn’t I ask that she respects what my values are whilst she is under my roof?

Am I asking too much?

She yelled that I was the worst human being she has known…. that is hard to bare…that hit me hard and I write crying.. knowing what I have  done for her..what I do for her still..

I know to attack is the easiest way out…but it hurt…and I am hurt..

I’m not feeling that great at the moment and I needed to write…I know her words were said in anger like mine were but it doesn’t help…it wont resolve what was said or how we mend it

It’s not a normal post…I know.. I’m sorry..I’m just angry and hurt and sad right now that we can’t have the relationship I so desperately want with her…

I don’t think I am asking too much…I want us to be closer… I simply cannot get her to understand how I feel about certain things..and clearly she doesn’t understand me…

I close not knowing what tomorrow shall bring…

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “Internal arguments

  1. OMG! ..you won’t believe this.. but I had a fight/disagreement with my eldest son and his wife today!
    Boo us! *sighing* I felt like an absolute bitch and wanted to cry. He’s 28 and is the best son any mother could want..so what do I do? Hell..complain about where they want to keep the sheep!
    What’s the matter with me?..we have 116 acres, does it really matter?

    Don’t laugh! ..I’m serious! *trying not to laugh* It was like 37 degrees today and I think the sun turned me into a crazy lady!
    *huge sigh* My son will forgive me,but I don’t know how to forgive myself? I over reacted after seeing blow flies (hundreds) hanging around the stable area where the sheep are currently located.

    Fighting with our kids cuts deep (right to the heart)! It doesn’t matter whose right or wrong, it hurts!! Hug to you mumsy!! xxxxxxxxx

    • It’s a Full Moon tonight too..maybe the Cancerian impatience came out and it had to be last night instead of tonight for me to throw a tanty?

      I’m sorry I cannot stop laughing at having 116 acres and there’s a specific sheep area??
      Blame it on the blowies luvey.
      I know it does cut deep and probably more hurtful for what we as the ‘grown-ups’ say…but I couldn’t hold it any longer.
      I haven’t seen her yet today (she is still at work) or seeing the B/F.
      The wound will heal..it’s a matter of when.
      Hugs back to you our Paulama
      xxxxxxxxxxxx

  2. Arguments with our children are heart breaking because we love them so much. I feel for you. My daughter is 24 and married, and I can’t imagine if she and her husband lived under my roof. I love them dearly, but as you said it would be very difficult to allow them to be adults and make mistakes under my roof. My son is still in college, so I don’t know a lot of what he does. Hang in there. She will find her way and tomorrow is a new day. Hopefully she will learn from her mistakes and continue maturing. God bless you both!
    ~Becky

    • Thank you Beck… we can coast along without a cross word for so long..and then it hits the fan as it did last night.
      It is a difficult wanting her to be the adult, but seeing some things that she shouldn’t be doing.
      I wish I could explain but I don;t wish it to be on the public forum.
      Thank you for your words & thoughts.
      xxx

  3. Ahhh …I am sorry to hear you had such a row with the child.

    While it has started … the fights with my daughter, she is not of the age where the fights are the ones such as you have had … or that Paula or Becky has had.

    Still … she is young. She is older. I do not know if giving space or if trying to actively mend things works best for you and her. I am unsure of what one would do in the case of a husband/boyfriend issue either … the only thing I can draw on at the moment is how I felt when placed in your daughters position. I know back when I was about to get married and my mum was concerned, I told her to back off…and if need be, I’d choose him. It was a HORRIBLE thing of me to say back then … and I knew it even as I said it. We both felt sorry and came to a truce on it … and later she learnt to like him fine.

    Again, I do not know what the row was about …. but tis my hope that you both find a path back to one another … she is your daughter … your are her mum. I know in time she will come to understand how your displeasure at her was an anger based on frustrations and carings of a mother. Just do not let the disagreement keep you from one another for too long ok.

    *hugs you*

    • Hello our lovely Katiekins.. yes we all have the opinion that it’s tough being a mum and we do say things in anger which both hurt ourselves and the people we love. I can imagine how you must of felt when you said that to your mum..devastating for both of you **hugs** and I am so pleased you were able to call the truce and put it behind you.
      I shall see how we can mend..and hopefully move forward.
      Thank you
      xxxxx

  4. Oh mumsy, I’m only at the beginning where words are being uttered without any thought given to the consequences of anger filled with frustration. At 9, it is hard to see why mum says what she does.

    I do remember having the most horrid fights with my mum around the same age just before I got married. I can never forgive myself for saying things like that to my mum and when we talk about that time now, we wish it never happened. I was living at home, we had lost my dad 3 years before and mum and I were actually very very close. I think, the thought of me moving to San Francisco from Sydney and being away from my family was the source of much of our frustration. Your daughter will hopefully realize that so much of what you say comes from a place of true unconditional mother’s love and tomorrow is but a new day. I don’t know what your fight was about, but I do know it hurts like hell and while you can’t take back words( something I’m trying to teach my daughter), you can repair and heal.
    Much love and hugs

    • MM thank you also – we are all of the same opinion. Even I know there has to be healing after this. So though what we both said to each other hurt, we need to put it behind us and clear the air..eventually. We all make mistakes we are but human and in the heat of an argument so much can be said to inflict pain. I am sorry that you had fights with your mum… I think we all can recall every words that uttered from our mouths, no matter how long the arguments were. Sorry for the loss of your dad too **hugs** and a big thank you. xxx
      PS yes start teaching now..it’s never too late 🙂

      • I’m so happy my mum and I are best friends now. It was only but a phase, and in hindsight, I understand exactly what she was saying. It’s a pity we had to have arguments over the silliest things 🙂
        hugs

  5. Well, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that has those kinds of rows with her mom. I do not live with my mom but she does help me with my kids party business so I guess she feels like she can tell me what to do even though I am 50 years old. When she does come to my place which is rare she wants me to redo everything to her liking. I do not have kids so I only have the perspective of being a daughter. Yes, I know my mother loves me, yes I am grateful for all she has done but I really wish she would just let me live my life without juding it or trying to make me a mini-me of her.

    Your daughter is much younger than I am and she lives with you so yes, she should be respecting the rules of living under your roof–as anyone should be doing if they are living with you.

    But I think that unless your daughter is doing something dangerious maybe there can be some sort of compromise, whatever the issue is.

    And sometimes you have to let your kids take a fall so that they can grow up.

    Whatever it is I am sure that you and your daughter will be able to talk it out and work out some kind of solution.

    Mother-daughter relationships are so tough sometimes……..

    🙂

    ivonne

    • Hello Ivonne – Mothers bless them…such a way with wanting to control..I understand that you are saying (though thankfully my mum now doesn’t say much in the way I run my affairs or life. My daughter and I have been on a collision path reasonably regularly, but we get what we have to say calmly..usually.. Unfortunately as I wrote last night was not one of those occasions.

      She has fallen a few times and got back up but sometimes history repeats itself and I guess I just ‘lost’ it last night.
      Totally agree about mother- daughter relationships they are ‘bloody tough’.
      Thank you for your input though – appreciated. 🙂
      and as Beck said tomorrow is a brand new day… fingers crossed.
      xxx

  6. I know this is an old post, but it really resonated for me. My daughter and I love each other to bits, but no one has the capacity to hurt me like she does. I’m sure things have settled now: I hope you have come to an understanding. Harsh things are said in anger but love endures. Peace.

    • Hello and thank you for visiting and commenting. Yes we have got over the hurdle, though there is always something that rears it’s ugly head. How old is you daughter may I ask? Appreciate your comments – thank you, I’m now having a peek at your site. 🙂

      • My daughter is 18 now: legally an adult here but she’s really just a child deep down. She often follows a path which I know will hurt her and it’s hard to watch. My relationship with my son is so simple in comparison. Is your other daughter a little more settled? I hope one day to see my daughter in a better space. My mum always says that as a mother, ‘you are only as happy as your unhappiest child’. I think she’s right. Peace 🙂

  7. I know where you are coming from. Yes the eldest is, she is married and secure in her job and her life. Chalk and cheese as the saying goes. It would be great to have similar personalities..but I guess that wouldn’t make them ‘them’. I know what you are saying though…truly. Hang in there that’s all we can really do. Wise mum you have there 🙂

You have spent the time popping in - Please don't waste it - share a comment on what you have read.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s