Category Archives: Age

Some hearts healed

by

My parents
Both have gone
How grateful I am
For what they gave
Their nurturing, their love

When her beloved passed away
Her life was not the same
Not having him beside her
To talk to, or hold her hand

And we were not to know it
But her time with us was short
It only took forty days
To die from a broken heart

Hard for us to comprehend
So tortuous to see
Her body each day grew weaker
Till she slipped away from family

Our hearts are broken in pieces
As they did, not that long ago
But we know that she is happy now
Back in the arms of her lovey Joe

image

 

Mumma ~ 30.3.1929 – 29.5.2017

Poppa ~ 03.7.1927 – 19.4.2017

It is with great sadness that I let you know, that my darling mum Irene, passed away on the 29th of May. Fighting for almost 19 days, no food, no fluid. Some complications, but under advice, my brother and I made the hardest decision to let nature takes its course.
The thread that holds me together is knowing that both ‘my penguins’ are now in each other’s arms once again, after forty days of being apart.

I stayed in her hospital room, as I did for Pop, for the two and a half weeks, loving her, talking to her, hugging her, kissing her. The last 5 days unresponsive, but I spoke to her continually. My heart tearing in to pieces, with every shallow breath she took.

Now I take the road of grief and it hurts and cuts like a knife, both my parents now gone so soon, too soon.

RIP Muma and Poppa

till I see you again

xx

The Circle Of Life

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Has a sword placed
Without strains of Hakuna Matata
Yet
He is a lion for his strength
His courage
Step slowly around the circle
Time passes too quickly

I remember him
Holding my tiny hand
To cross the busy street
Holding that hand
Through good and bad
Through tears of sadness
Tears of joy

Approaching the sword
My life insignificant
Trying to hold his life
Within my hand now grown
Knowing
There is nothing I can do
Knowing

Yet
The words of the song are
Distant
Haunting
Between the struggle for air and
The tears that slice against my throat

He is my King
Then
Now
Always

Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba
No
My father
YOU are the lion

 

It happens

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Arm around waist
Awkward steps but
How we laughed
As I hung onto your blue eyes
Taken for granted
If I could dance with my father once more
The song echoes in my head
I remember like a past life

Outside I suck in the chill of air
That bites my tongue
The ticking of the traffic lights beat slow
Until it’s time to cross

A teenager, young woman yet to leave the nest
Helping clean the aftermath of your famous
Dinner parties
Cooking for thirty
You didn’t blink an eye
Your love of food and entertaining
Knew no bounds
Remembering the most complicated dishes – cakes
Without the need to follow words

Grasp the days, no matter how tough they seem
How busy your own lives become
For we don’t know
When the words of a song suddenly are real
Or the ticking at the lights
Race too quickly for our ears

Sitting at the Hospital.
Pop hopefully returns to Aged Care tomorrow after being in hospital for 2 weeks. Draining 2655mls from his right lung. I have spent every day for 11 hours with him, helping the nursing staff attend to his needs. Doing very personal tasks for him, out of pure love.
Mum’s operation went well, though after an anti clotting injection performed daily to prevent blood cots, saw her return to hospital yesterday, as bleeding started, by hitting a blood vessel. She was returned again last night.
She is more withdrawn and memory declined further after having the general anaesthetic. We don’t know if this is a permanent state now.

Rubber Band

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Stretched
Each arm different directions
Each leg the splits
Wonder when I’ll just go ‘boing’?

Update – possibly explaining my absence.

Took Pop to a respiratory specialist as his breathing was laboured and some wheezing, didn’t know if related to his MSA. Also to check his swallowing, as
the facility had put him on semi thickened liquids, with information given by their speech therapist. Pop hated this.

Into Hospital Monday, swallow test with XRay, no he doesn’t have to be on thickened liquids. Pop now happier.

Tuesday morning, phone call. Mum was found on the floor in their room.
Broken left hip and some fractured ribs. Seriously?!

Tuesday afternoon, Pop had CT to diagnose breathing issues’ fluid on his right lung. Later that afternoon a pleural tap to drain liquid. As he cant sit, they had to perform it lying down on his side (not ideal).
They drained 700ml of liquid, with some residue left, this was the major pocket filled, has a few others, but not as great. Awaiting results.
BUT to add to it all, from doing the tap, he now has a pneumothorax (air pocket) in his lung, which can happen…and did. Today is Thursday, not looking at being able to leave till at least the weekend. X-rays daily to check lung now deflating and on oxygen.

Mum is in another Hospital and was operated on last night, visiting this morning, in good spirits, but ribs hurting her immensely. She will then have to have to go to Rehab for a few weeks, where I don’t know as yet.

Daughter B doing really well with baby Lewis ( who is absolutely gorgeous ) yes I’m a proud and doting Nana, I’m staying with them, whilst I visit Pop each day 9-8, then go and see mum, then B and Lewis and sometimes Mr. S and daughter K get a look in.

It’s been a long week, I’m about to go ‘boing’.

Love to you all, who are still following!

String lines

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I am held together with
S
T
R
I
N
G
S
Strings of empathy
For those that hold my heart
Held to parents
Bound to children
One apron, one not
To those I say goodbye to
My work strings entwined with family
Just the thickness varies
That is all
For animals
It remains the same

When I can I give of me
S
T
R
I
N
G
S
I release them to the length I want
Depending on the moment
Yet there are days of knots
When I cannot give
I cannot try
I cannot unwind nor stretch further
For I am human
now
always
and humans have limitations

And the Cattails sway

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The prequel to Down By The River

She sat side saddle on the wooden stool
Calf length cowboy boots
Ragged denim cut offs
White T shirt
Outlining her curves
Elbow resting on the bar
Glass three quarters full
Five rings marked the wood around it
Circles much like life
The chair legs scraped beside her
Jeans brushed against her thigh

She blinked slowly
Her expression ambivalent
Taking in his beauty
He smiled, teeth white as snow
A conversation started
Her speech slurred
She giggled as the words fell out
His hand touched hers
She didn’t flinch
Throwing back the last drop of liquid

They walked out
Her foot slipped on its side
He grabbed her upper arm as support and
She leaned into his strength
No one knew her there
A bar the back of no where
No one knew her name
Her head spun as the air hit

She sat next to him
The leather hot under her legs
Fumbling for the radio
Once more their fingers touched
Reassuring, calm telling her to relax
“We can cool off in the river”
She smiled so innocently
Closing her eyes listening to the music
Till the drunken sleep overtook
Thinking only of his eyes
His eyes of deepest green

My 1,000th Post

   ,

I

by

lose patience even though
I
know she cannot change
watch with heavy heart the father whose life will never be the same
give thanks that another years been reached amd blow the candles softly out

amongst the everyday
the ups
the downs
and in betweens
a year has gone and
I
ask where
I
live more lives than the one
I
have

I
think for many not just myself
and through it all
the year that’s been
behind the clouds that loom so dark
a silver lining appears
for though
I may lose one that
I
so love
before some months have passed
I
will hold a new life lovingly
and preciously in my arms

Treasured

by

You had no voice but you could speak
Through arms that couldn’t reach
You held my blood red heart
I walk an alien ground
Steps that you can’t make
My legs now yours
Fear and body broken
Questions that are asked
Why a life is thrown
Along a different path
I watch some days of silence
Glazed eyes with a look of sadness
Willing me to stay
Yet you’re there…you’re here
My love for you remains

Mother’s Day

by

From a child, to the adult that I am
You cared & guided me
Along life’s path
Selfless in your love
Today I want to thank you
For making me the person I’ve become

I didn’t think when I was younger
Of the struggles we’d face now
Once upon a time you held my hand
To cross the busy road
Now it is I who hold yours
Our ups & downs & in-between’s

Our tears of joy & sorrow
Our laughter through the years
Not knowing how life would change
But no matter where this journey takes us
Our bond & love forever will remain

“Happy Mothers Day”

To all the mums around the world

To all the children who no longer have their mums by their side

To all who have struggles and all who don’t

Remember them today & always


💐💐💐💐💐❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️