Sink or swim

The stream holds a feather
Fallen from a bird in flight it floats
Her barbs paw gently on the surface
Holding the water that envelops
Watch it as it dips and wanes
Yet she doesn’t fall to the rocks below
Steadfast through the currents, strong again
Light, weightless

A stone we cast, heavy
Will not float
Throw it in
It will drown each time
Most times I am the feather
Buoyant, resilient
Barbs untouched
Not allowing myself to sink
Then there are times
I am that stone

Also for – http://dversepoets.com/ writing on our emotions

Silence

I called your name you turned
the hurt in your eyes resembled bruises
your mouth a wound that could not speak

I cried in vain, my apologies
fell around your feet sweeping away
in the wind that also had taken your trust

I reached out, my hand locking your elbow
as I felt you pull away
please ….don’t

my words in staccato
the notes sombre held no meaning
and you walked, my grip released

my feet held in sand as the water
drew from my ankles
the rush unbalancing my stance
as your silence did my heart

Copyright J Tacken 11.4.2015

Renewed

Her eyes no longer red and raw

her hair fell across her face

a curtain of privacy

till he held her hands

a streak of lightning broke the spell

she drew herself up

like a wilted flower grasping at the sun

holding her face in his hands

he tasted the doubt on her tongue

pain on the roof of her mouth

before she gave in

shaking off the past

like raindrops off umbrellas

 

copyright J Tacken 24.3.2015

 

 

Thank You

For all your kindness and lovely comments.
I would do a general thank you post, but as I am so tired..or over tired right now, I can’t comment individually to you all. So I hope you can forgive me.

As I look at the time, I have been awake now 36 hours.
I didn’t sleep the rest of the morning. Every time my eyes closed, tears fell, or I felt my heart start beating faster. Just watching K asleep, hoping, praying that she wouldn’t experience another seizure.

When my eyes stayed closed for longer than a minute, I had flashbacks of her face when I saw her convulsing. I can’t get this out of my head now.
In the wee hours a Neuro doctor came in and tested her reflexes, asked her questions.
At around 2pm another Registrar and students came in, same questions. At 3pm the Neurology doctor attended with the Registrar, asking the same questions.

Then the confirmed diagnosis of Epilepsy and ordered tablets. 400mg per day for the first week, then 800mg per day thereafter.

It is now 8pm as I write. We left the hospital after K started to get a little more than agitated from lying in a noisy room for so long. They were wanting to admit her for overnight at first, but then said she could leave. I drove her back to her place with J following behind.

For those of you with children, remember that first drive home with your new baby from the Hospital, when a speed bump was taken so carefully, when corners were taken slowly?

This is how I was with K in the passenger seat, so frightened that I may set off another seizure.

She is now asleep, her body and mind exhausted. I cannot.
I will have to take a tablet to knock me out. I went and had a shower and cried my heart out under the water, seeing her face over and over. I know I’m exhausted, I know tomorrow I won’t feel as I do now, that I won’t picture her tormented body.

I hope this medication stops them, though there is no guarantee. Could be trial and error.Once again, thank you, all of you for your support through this, I am so very grateful.

PS. Thank you to all who have read and commented on some previous posts. I have been neglecting my answers to you…believe me, I THANK YOU xx

Tommy and Faye (Conclusion)

as the sun drew down
Tommy waited
longing to catch a glimpse
stubbing his twentieth cigarette
into the ground

Perhaps she’s not working
he told himself, why the hell didn’t he call
afraid of rejection, his own pain
when previous girls broke his heart

Her auburn hair
her ocean blue eyes
the paper napkin, her number
scrawled

She’s moved on, he took too long
he chastised himself, sitting
alone, remembering
her voice, her smile

Days passed, he smoked too much
glancing at the wire door
hoping, longing to see her face
the reaction to the sign

she never emerged
he cursed himself
for his own stupidity
a love lost

Regretting wasted seconds
thinking of his own pain
memories of hurt, he wanted a change
lacked confidence

Days turned to weeks
even tried calling
hearing her voice on the message
the voice soft and sweet

I’m sorry I can’t take your call
right now, please leave a message
which I’ll return

but it never came
he knew his chance lost
Tommy and Faye the sign on the pole
remained through the seasons

till it crumbled and fell

©jm tacken Feb 2014

Some of my readers asked for a conclusion to the story I wrote yesterday. Thank you to Brian from www.waystationone.com  for his nudges once again.

This didn’t post for some reason, before the post I just wrote.

Infection (Prose)

It’s infectious

those

with troubled pasts

who

can’t explain or talk it out

the need to expel demons

carried on backs, or those that are

buried deep within hearts

It’s infectious

the mountain is there

that needs to be climbed

a pillow that’s held tight to a chest

a drink that is swallowed, they try to forget

abandoning yesterday’s in place of tomorrow’s

casting aside pain, forgetting past sorrow

It’s infectious

the need to jump fences

run free through the fields

survive what has happened, the need to feel real

to unlock the doors, to open their minds

regain their confidence, leaving darkness behind

words are around you, the answers in sight

write out your feelings…please just write

©jmtacken 2014

I remain your puppet (Prose)

If I focus on my environment
I hear glass shatter
never broken window panes
behind closed doors
off narrow hallways
silent hues of amber
and dark red
stain
the frailty of me
I remain

I could run
vanish from my sanctuary
desensitise encounters
but my mind a web
of gnarled branches
untenable
I remain

My path
a narrow road that bends
sharp against the
sheer rock face
edges crumble downwards
as do I
my fate solidified
hoarse voice that screams
no more
I remain

I stay secluded
I stay quiet
wait till voices pass
watch the woods
hold on to what I know is real
adults teach their children
what have I been taught
I remain

©jmtacken Jan 2014

~~~~~~~~~~

As my brain could only work once this evening I wrote the above which I share with Angela at – Visdare http://anonymouslegacy1.wordpress.com/2014/01/29/visdare-46-silhouette/#comments

and the team at DVerse OpenLinkNight of D’verse Poets Pub

The Raven

when the raven calls at night
on the precipice of dreams and nightmares
do you succumb
relinquishing to darkness, one by one your foot steps
not adhering to the craggy ground
as you fall ever deeper into your singular mind

searching for an ending
tumbling ever forward, no ability to secure sanity
that once prevailed, clinging to the present
no doors for your escape
guessing what is real and what is not
overpowering bad considerations, scream loud
not to be defeated

bloodied scratching fingernails, asylum arms
grasping from all sides convincing you you're safe
"come with me", they whisper echoing in your ears
would it ever be ~ where is your sanctuary
are lines defined, the misinterpreted voices that you hear
cast fears aside, do not fall into the cavity

when the raven calls

©jmtacken Dec 2013

Photo Credit Pin Dark Forest Night Image on Pinterest

A time

shock
confusion
struggle
pain
questions
anger
never the same
grief
shadows in the day
colours are lost
sleepless nights
the loss of souls
who slip away
coming to terms
death displayed
tears are shed
smiles are raised
words are read
spirits lifted
more ways than one
this is when
I know
my job was done

©jmtacken Dec 2013

For http://dversepoets.com and also for the GMan

http://g-man-mrknowitall.blogspot.de  who have us doing 55 ‘worders’ !

Crossing the Bridge without you (Prose)

can I cross the bridge from life to death
when my last breath is drawn
not knowing what's on the other side
can I leave those I love and say goodbye
what thoughts in my last moments
that I have been granted on this earth
stay ~ please let me stay
as my hand is held in yours

I don't think I'm ready, there is so much
I've yet to do, the pain of leaving
~ living without you
is one that I can't fathom, there's so much
more I want to see; the walk across the bridge
is frightening, not knowing where it leads
cry not, once I am gone
as I walk away from you, be strong and
smile at memories ~ the love I have for you